Famous for Two Weeks

Manchester-dwelling readers of Crinklybee- this is your mission, should you wish to accept it:

1- Go into your local city-centre newsagents and demand the latest issue of the new listings magazine Mix Manchester (black cover, dated 9th-22nd March, scene from 'Viva' Spanish Film Festival on front).

2- Turn to page page 30 and start reading amusing story about queueing to get into Smile nightclub.

3- Exclaim, 'hold on a minute- I read this bloke's blog all the time!'.

Yes, that's right.  Courtesy of Kate Yankunian's new Bloggerel column ('Showcasing the Cream of Manchester Blogs') I'm famous.  Just for two weeks, mind- until my place in the city's consciousness is taken by some other young cyber-hopeful.  Lucky then, that I happened to catch an interview with Alex James, once of Blur, in the Guardian at the weekend, in which the one-time darling of Britpop, now leading the life of a country gent in rural Wiltshire, alluded to the unavoidable lifelong 'trajectory' of celebrity.  Armed with the knowledge picked up therein, I hereby give notice of my movements during my upcoming fortnight in the limelight:

Thurs 16/Fri 17 March : unknown alcoholic genius on streets of Soho.

Sat18- Tues 21: Toast of London.  Regular in gossip columns, snapped lounging in Groucho Club with Armando Ianucci, falling out of limousine with Pete Doherty.  Two-page profile in Guardian Saturday Review.  Sign for Arsenal.

Weds 22:  Score two goals in European Cup Winners Cup semi-final versus Anderlecht.   Open first of string of boutiques on swinging Carnaby Street.  First novel released to rapturous acclaim.

Thurs 23: Second novel greeted with lukewarm reception.  Retreat from public life.

Fri 24- Mon 27: Pressure of fame taking its toll.  Series of ill-advised liasions with nubile cast members of Emmerdale Farm.  Charged with affray following drunken brawl in antelope enclosure of Chester Zoo.   

Tues 28:  Emerge teetotal from Pentonville prison with Open University Degree in Philosophy.  Flirt with Buddhism.  Open trout farm in Cotswolds.  Sign for Aston Villa.

Weds 29-Fri 31:  Novelty single collaboration with Cerys from Catatonia leads to rediscovery by new generation of eager fans.  Well-received appearance on Parkinson showcasing new material. Two-night residency at Albert Hall.  Knighthood. Sign for Leyton Orient.

Sat 1: Playing as deep-lying creative playmaker, secure Orient's promotion to First Division for first time since 1926.  Work begins on Hollywood biopic of life, starring Robert Carlisle, Al Pacino, and several nubile cast members of Emmerdale Farm.

Sun 2: Unknown alcoholic genius on streets of Soho.

Blimey-  a lot to fit in, isn't there?  And of course I have to find some time amidst all this to keep you all supplied with the usual fare -pictures of indiepop singles against post-modern urban backdrops, and vignettes of my lunchtime adventures in Ho's Bakery, Chinatown.  So I'd best not hang around.

Before I go though, remember- that listings magazine- go and buy it if you're in Manchester!  It's just £1.50 and you will find it in the shop in Cornerhouse as well as, I think, lots of other places.  Apart from having me and the Spanish Film Festival in, there is also an interview with George Clooney (an original touch not to have him on the cover, isn't it?), and features on every aspect of city life from comedy to shopping.  The writing in sharp and sassy throughout.

Oh, and finally- if you have come here from the pages of Mix Manchester- first of all, well done for making it here, even though the 'om' was missed out of '.com' on the address due to a misprint.  Now you're here, make yourselves at home- the full story of that nightclub queue is about three posts down from this one, and the 'Best of' section on the sidebar to your left there (no, down a bit- that's it) has an amusing story about margarine, and another one about a Parka coat.  Yes, that's 'posts', and 'sidebar'.  Stick around long enough (here and in the other splendid blogs linked to the left) and you will soon get used to our terminology.... 

Right then- off to get my office clothes on and rush to get the 8:08 from Levenshulme to Piccaddilly.  Oh, the demands of this new heady existence- I do hope I can cope!

Comments

[Ben]

Congratulations! Don't let it go to your head - the last thing I want is a Doherty type situation in which one of my favourite bloggers pisses it all up the wall... ;)

[John]

You'll be sitting in the box for the match next week no doubt and turning up in a strech limo with those Emmerdale babes.
(any chance of a lift)

[Chern Jie]

Oh Emmerdale...

[jonathan]

Damn. I just remembered I meant to title this post 'Fame, Fame, Fatal Fame' in honour of the Smiths lyric. You're just going to have to imagine that's what is says at the top..

And Oh Emmerdale, indeed. I must admit to being confused by the transformation of the nation's favourite teatime rural soap opera. One minute your'e watching old Seth in his handlebar moustache, mutton-bone sideburns and deerstalker hat sipping at a pint of mild, the next minute it's all curvaceous twenty-year olds peering lasciviously at each other over bacardi-and cokes. And all the action has moved from the snug of the Woolpack Inn to the inside of some designer apartments, which look suspiciously like they might be in Leeds. There's certainly not a sheep-dip in sight.

What happened? Was the set stormed by a crack squad of extras from Hollyoaks? Or were Seth and his cronies all killed off in an aeroplane crash (I think I remember reading about the latter, although it seems just too far-fetched to be true..)

[bushra]

eeh i reckon you caught it on an odd day; normally you get older members of the cast delivering the best lines, did you see nicola go crazy in the woolpack last week?

[jonathan]

Bushra- thank you for responding to my call to bring your expertise to this discussion! Clearly I need to start watching Emmerdale properly, I am still stuck in the days when the craziest thing that had ever happened in the Woolpack was that time old Seth dropped his false teeth in a pint of mild. Oh, and nobody ever delivered any good lines at all in the old days- so the transformation is not just cosmetic, by the sound of things...

[abby]

eeeeeee, congratulations wor jonathan man!

Sorry to interrrupt the Emmerdale conversation but on my way to the gym at the community college where I work here in Queens, I swear I just passed a huddle of students who were crowded round an Internet-enabled mobile phone, muttering, in their American teenage lingo, "yo, that crinklybee is so freakin awesome dog!"

I kept my head down and hurried on, lest I get vicariously caught up in the dangerous trappings of celebrity. Congratulations again!

[looby]

Congratulations! There's nothing like seeing your words in print. I'm glad someone's picked it up for the world in general.

I don't watch Emmerdale, but when I started watching Coronation Street, Albert Tatlock and Enid Sharples were in it, and the nearest we got to a sex bomb was Mavis.

[Iain]

//One minute you're watching old Seth in his handlebar moustache, mutton-bone sideburns and deerstalker hat sipping at a pint of mild, the next minute it's all curvaceous twenty-year olds peering lasciviously at each other over bacardi-and cokes.//

Sounds like it's high time I moved back to England!

[Yankunian]

It couldn't have happened to a nicer bloke -just be sure to remember all the little people who helped you along the way when you hit that big champagne fandango red-carpet fiesta that is blogebrity. (blogebrity - somehow I don't buy that one ...) And hold on to your copy of the mix issue 2 is may soon become a collector's item. The future of the esteemed publication is, ahem, rather cloudy at the moment. I'll keep y'all posted.

[jonathan]

Hold on to my copy? I've got three... one for me, one for Abby in New York (who features in the Smile story) and one for the star of the story David the indiepop Geordie (although I'm not sure how he will take to being portrayed in the Manchester media as a drink-crazed lunatic..).

So I'm doing my bit for your sales figures at least Yankunian...I do hope it works out for the fledgling publication- it looks to me like a worthy successor to the much-missed City Life.

[Clare]

Haha, I love this post. Unfortunately my life never takes me anywhere near such places as the Cornerhouse, although come to think of it I will be in town on Monday, so I'll try pick up a copy then. It's very exciting indeed!